expressions of anger or lack thereof....actually, mostly the lack thereof

I've been meaning to write this since Friday a.m. but haven't. And not, really, for any good reason(s). So our topic today, kids....'anger'...is a close, personal friend of mine....and, strangely, it came up, in one of my many recent forays into Bizarro World; namely, in my meeting with The Associate Dean. Turns out she's interested in it as a research topic. Of sorts. Because aren't all research topics topics of sorts...

Her own perspective was pseudo-outside-American(a) because she's in the French department, prior to her "promotion" to Associate Dean...consequently her observation(s) were that not only is anger an emotion to be shunned, downplayed, pushed down and away, abhorred, a sign of some sort of mental insubordination, but also that *that* it was thought of as such was a peculiarly *American* way of thinking. Interesting. I see it. Absolutely.

But then I might be biased, given our special relationship. Initially, I did not divulge my clandestine dealings w/anger. I've learned it's best usually to not, especially w/those who have dominion over my continued employment. But by the end of our two hour breakfast I had cracked a bit, not that it takes too much for me to crack, because it doesn't and I'm OK with that, but, in my defense, I did feel peculiarly at ease with the A.D., in part b/c of our shared view on the wrongness of Most People's views on anger.

I have both a long-lived, questionably genetic relationship with anger, but also a lot of close, first-person experience with it, so I feel particularly well-placed to appreciate what the A.D. next put down. As we were walking back to campus, she told me of a mutual colleague who had a chapter of a book on a fairly unique subculture in China. First, they were, for all social intents and purposes, genderless. Hmm. That's definitely a feat to pull off. But that's not what's interesting about them. What's interesting about them is their espousal--no, their complete and unusually healthy treatment--of individual anger. Given the particular culture, the family unit is paramount. Therefore, if a spouse/parent dies "young," their death is especially grievous. Because not only are they *dead* themselves, but they presumably leave children and spouses parentless and partnerless. And in a society/culture in which The Family is the Most Basic Cultural Unit, up and dying is a particularly heinous offense.

As a result, if a spouse or parent commits said offense, it is thereby not only permissible but completely *underfuckingstandable* that their living breathing partner and/or offspring *throw rocks at their grave.* Yes, you heard me right, throw rocks at their grave. Because you know what? Yeah, it wasn't your *fault* that you left....but nonetheless, It Sucks to Be Me After You Did. And that is why It Is More Than OK to throw rocks at your grave.